Creation Rebel

by The Outsider

"The secret of initiation remains inviolable by its very nature; it cannot be betrayed because it cannot be expressed." Andrew Feldmar

During the period of my circumcision, I retreated to Inwardness so deep and frightening that it made a permanent mark on my nerves and changed my life forever. I listened to the teachings of the school of circumcision, I thought – I despaired. I accepted the teachings with an open heart so far as they recognized and acknowledged every man's aloneness. Much of man's Inward experiences are inexpressible. Language as a symbol for interpersonal communication is not fully capable of representing the Individual Soul or the Self to itself and to others. To think about oneself therefore, is only to know a fraction of oneself. For, thinking is the use of language in the organization of mental contents. Our thoughts are predominantly constructed from language. The insights that come to us from beyond the use of language are not thoughts, they are Intuitions.

None of the teachers at the school were aware of this inadequacy. Each of them thought about him-Self, they spoke to each other about themselves and none of them felt that he was under-representing him-Self. I despaired over this, and oftentimes I went aside and wandered the abysses and summits of the mountains.

For me, the circumcision involved the recognition that Umdalidiphu (The Creator of the Deep) does not see crowds; he only sees the Individual. I had to get circumcised as an Individual; no one could get circumcised on my behalf.

The circumcision means the sacrifice of the foreskin and the emergence of every man's Uniqueness. After the sacrifice of the foreskin, a new and original Individuality will emerge. It will not be like anyone else, but will have its own difference, its own special entity, its own character and its own special power. Umdalidiphu does not create all plants of exactly the same size, beauty and strength. There are stupid people, wise people and those whose heads have opened to the power to read thoughts and see that which is invisible to most people. The sacrifice reveals this new person hidden in the boy.

I wandered from school to school, from village to village, looking for a teacher who could teach me more Self and more Self-Expression. My Intuition told me to look for a teacher who can dance; "the teacher who can dance experiences more of him-Self than the thinker or the lukewarm speaker. Consequently, he will teach you the remotest and most hidden parts of your-Self". I followed my Intuition and went from teacher to teacher, greeting them with offerings of tobacco and brandy, bidding them to teach me to dance before Umdalidiphu. That is, to teach me complete Self-Expression.

I discovered that they weighed the value of your Manhood according to the amount of Self you sacrifice and how socially acceptable you are. I am not against being socially acceptable, I just think that we should give more respect to the Man who has the courage to be him-Self. A Man should not sacrifice himself for outward moralities, he should express him-Self to the fullest, because outward moralities are born from his Self-Expression.