18. Self Concept and the Personal Dimension of Truth

Reflections of the Way of the Outsider

by Deon-Simphiwe Skade

In studies concerned with human behaviour, there is a phenomenon simply known as the 'self-concept'.

One considers this to be among the most complex of human quests for knowledge due to its inherently far-reaching scope, despite what others may be inclined to accept of the concept of the self.

Some people tend to think the knowledge of the self is one dimensional. While others believe it is a fixed state of being.

Interestingly, the opposite is true. And it is particularly through this constant state of movement in being human, psychologically, spiritually or otherwise, that we are in fact propelled to seek enhanced personal and universal truths – at least those restless enough to pursue such matters.

Truth has a deeply personal dimension.

17. The Great Paradox

(Reflections on the Way of the Outsider)

by uMonde iNxele


If you close your eyes, then you will see The Mystery, you Outsiders!

16. The Eagle and The Voice

(Reflections on The Way of The Outsider)

By uMonde iNxele

Again and again, I find that I must go back to the Promethean Myth; it is perfect at illustrating the condition of The Outsider.

The theft of Fire from the gods or the transcending of darkness and unconsciousness through Courage Knowledge is a universal human struggle.

AmaXhosa have a common and very ancient phrase that accompanies every Prayer; mabuded' ubumnyama kuvel' uk'khanya (Darkness retreat, Light shine forth). In the Book of Genesis, God says "Let there be light".

The Outsider wants to say Yes to Existence, and to laugh with uMdalidiphu. But when he considers his position in Society, he hears a voice that says to him "you are mad". The Voice is Prometheus' Eagle.

The Eagle that ate away at Prometheus' Liver is much like The Voice that is filling The Outsider's head with noise and Self-doubt.

In studying the conduct of Prometheus after the performance of the Heroic Act, The Outsider may find a prognosis for his condition. And truly, it is a Heroic Act today -when everyone wants to fit in- to make the Choice to Become an Outsider.

When Prometheus is confronted by The Tyrant, he does not falter. Torture does not succeed in getting him to recant. The Rebel remains steadfast in his subversion of the status quo.

15. Personal Truth

(Reflections of the Way of the Outsider)

By Deon-Simphiwe Skade

Let no one deceive You.

Everything is Personal.

14. Knowledge

(Reflections on the Way of the Outsider)

by uMonde iNxele


Knowledge is the Cure that will Poison us, we Outsiders!

13. Thug Life

Reflections on The Way of The Outsider 

by uMonde iNxele

I was at maRhadebe's on Monday. She and I were in the living room discussing a short story of hers when Bra Stiqs walked in. He brought updates on the progress of our other projects, and he had a few papers with him. Bra Stiqs never ceases to emphasize the importance of papers and writing things down.

"Writing is a mystery," he'd whisper in awe-inspired tones. "The Laws that Moses was given, they were written in stone. Reading and writing are one of the things that link us to the Divine".

Just after Bra Stiqs sat down a little boy walked in. I began to notice him when he hugged Bra Stiqs, who was sitting next to me. The boy looked anxious. Then he came to me; the hug was awkward. After hugging maRhadebe he just lingered. He was not care-free and smiling but nervous, and his voice was a bit distorted by fear. It was the first day of school holidays, the Sun had risen, yet there was no urge in the boy to go and play outside. MaRhadede told him to pick up some papers in the garden and put them in the rubbish bin at the back. When the boy disappeared, She delivered a discourse on the importance of a stern upbringing.

After a while, the boy returned and just hung around. He asked if he could watch television. I felt like shouting "run, run from here! Go outside and play in the Sun!"

The matter refused to leave my mind; what bothered me most was the awkward hug. The hug itself is not the problem; the problem is that it was not spontaneous as an expression of affection. I felt that his hug was not an inclination arising from his vital centre but a habit drilled in through the head. It is part of the discipline at home to hug everyone present when you walk into the house.

From the point of view of classical Psychoanalysis, the boy is in the "latency phase" of psycho-sexual development. Psychoanalysis is a psychological science that endeavours to shed Light on Unconscious human behaviour. The "latency phase" of development is roughly around the time of primary school. The boy "acquires culturally regarded skills and values. The child has evolved from a baby with primitive drives to a reasonable human being with complex feelings like shame, guilt and disgust".*

From the point of view of Erich Fromm's brand of Psychoanalysis, the submissive anxiety in the boy is a sign that in his struggle to become what he is, he has been defeated by parental authority. The anxiety is not an Unconscious objection to the order to hug, because the hug itself is not traumatic. Rather, the anxiety arises out of the Conscious or Unconscious realization that parental authority is absolute. Even if he doesn't feel like hugging he has to hug, because it's family rules. The other side of the struggle to become what one is is the struggle not to become what one is not, and this involves not giving a hug if one doesn't feel like giving a hug.

Those that are familiar with the philosopher, Tupac Shakur, know that for him THUG LIFE was an acronym for The Hate U Gave Little Infants Fucked Everyone. His point was that you have a recipe for a psychic disaster when children are defeated by parental authority in the struggles to become what they are. When the will of the child is broken and replaced by the will of parental authority you get defeated children at best. At worst, society will have to be prepared for Thug Life.

Reference: * en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latency_stage  

12. Person Centered Revolution

Reflections on The Way of The Outsider 

by Monde Mdodana    

Nxele will return!
He will yet come to us, bold as Love.
Nxele The Outsider.

He will be poor; hence he will have nothing

to lose.
He will announce The Person Centered Revolution!

Nxele will return!

He will speak as one who has been silent
for two hundred years; the people
will hear their forgotten Selves in his speech.

He will be poor; hence he will have nothing to lose.

He will announce The Person Centered Revolution! 

Nxele will return!

He will not fight to Liberate the race,
nor will he fight to Liberate the class;
The Outsider will return to struggle
for the Liberation of the Person!

He will be poor; hence he will have nothing to lose.

He will announce The Person Centered Revolution!

Nxele will return!

He will be seen in Initiation Schools,
teaching young men The Way to Heal through Love.

He will be poor; hence he will have nothing to lose.

He will announce The Person Centered Revolution!

Nxele will return!

He will trouble no man, yet he will be
as terrifying as The Black Panther
in Self defense!

He will be poor; hence he will have nothing to lose.

He will announce The Person Centered Revolution!

11. Existential Becoming

Reflections on The Way of The Outsider 

by Monde Mdodana

The Moment of Creation is every moment or the Moment of Creation is Existential Becoming. That is, if an Individual makes a Choice to be x instead of y at Moment A, then he has to make that Choice again at Moment B in order to remain x. He has to Become x, because x is not his essence; his essence is to Choose. That is, if he wants to be x, then he has to Create x out of him-self, every Moment of his life! And so it comes about that every man Becomes the sum of the Choices that he makes. But, as long as long as he is still alive, we can not underline the problem. So because, as long as he still lives, he still has the power to make additions or subtractions to the sum which is him-Self.

Existential becoming is a terrible concept. If you are strong, honest and brave enough to understand it, then it cannot but condemn you to Fear and Trembling. When one grasps this concept, intellectually and Spiritually, then one becomes a battleground for the conflict between the dynamic nature of Existence and the static nature of philosophical, moral and religious systems that claim to explain and demystify Existence. Philosophical, moral and religious systems are fixed symbols that attempt to represent Existence, but Existence is spontaneous, dynamic Energy or Spirit, infinitely Mysterious!

10. The Seeker After Rebirth

Reflections on The Way of The Outsider 

by Monde Mdodana

In Solitude, at length I meditated on the Vision. I saw Somagwaza in conflict with his weaker nature; I saw him trying to liberate him-Self from the tyranny of the instincts. I saw his weaker nature desiring the warmth and oblivion of Woman, that part of him that wants to return to bliss through the Womb door. Associated with these desires is guilt, because it is not the Destiny of Man to return to the Womb. He is like the Initiate who must not look back when his Womb of Rebirth Burns to Ashes; he must run forward into the Future!

His Higher Self would have him inwardly commit matricide and look to The Sun for The Way that he must travel. The guilt can only be resolved when he ceases to dedicate him-Self to the worship of Woman. In order for him to Become whole and in order for the Man in him to be Born, he must not chase after any Woman's Womb, instead he must bring about his own Psychic Rebirth. This is the Paradox of Somawaza, The Seeker After Rebirth; he is pregnant, and must Become Mother, Midwife and Child. He is The First-Born of Creation. If he persists through the Fire, a precious Stone will emerge from the furnace.

9. Sacrament of The High or Stoner Stuff

Reflections on The Way of The Outsider

by Monde Mdodana

Them and them can't globalize it,

Can't commercialize or tax it so they won't legalize it.

Health Gurus and tobacco merchants polemicize,

But we let 'em be 'cause we're too High to criticize.

Them and them live a low life; they need to navigate The High.

We choose The High 'cause low lives are hypocritical;

Declare a war on drugs but them and them regulars at the pharmaceutical.

They need to navigate The High.

Haters of the unbound they are; they interfere when we meditate.

But, unfathomable, we inhale and elevate.

High, Higher, and Higher still; to the summit of the Soul.

We ascend, only to descend again;

The smoke in our lungs unites summit and abyss paradoxically.

Them and them live a low life; they need to navigate The High.

We don't flee into the hopes of a better tomorrow;

We are immersed in the smoky eternity of here and now!

They commune around the market place and buy, buy, buy!

We commune around the Herb and become One through The Sacrament of The High.

8. Anti-dogma

Reflections on The Way of The Outsider

by Monde Mdodana

The Outsider has his truth, but his truth is different from the truth of the people or the truth of academic philosophers. The truth of the people is - or it pretends to be - necessary, dogmatic, absolute truth. The Way of The Outsider is not absolute truth, but it is nonetheless essential, primal truth. Absolute truth is true for everyone; regardless of whether or not a particular Individual worked to discover it, regardless of whether or not he believes it or believes in it.

But The Way of The Outsider is a reversal of this dogmatism; it is essential, Existential truth, but it is not true for the particular Outsider if he does not discover it for him-Self. The particular Outsider has to work to discover The Way. That is, he has to have Faith in its Existence.

7. The Way of Paradox

Reflections on The Way of The Outsider

by Monde Mdodana

The Way of The Outsider is a Way of Paradox. Our Hero must learn that even psychic regression can run to its opposite; it can be transformed into a Leap of Faith.

The tendency to keep looking backward is like being sucked back into the Waters of The Mother, where the Soul drifts in endless waves of despair. Here our Hero is at a standstill; he suffers from a paralysis of his Positive Creativity.

We can put the problem in other words and say that his Manhood suffers from an injury. For, Man wants to be just like his Creator; he wants to act to Create or assist in the Creation of something that ensures that life is furthered into the distant future. That is why they say Man is Created in the likeness and image his Creator.

Thus when he neglects to look into the distant future, when he does not act in the present to prepare a way for his Unborn Child, we are justified in asserting that his Manhood has suffered an injury.

The escape from this state of paralysis is a Journey of a thousand miles, but it is also one irrational Leap into an ocean of unknowable depths. Here our Hero has to let go of fear and disbelief; he has to let go of all his Pain.

If he does not panic and spend his energy when the tides draw him to the bosom of the Sea, if only he possesses enough Courage to let go, then the very same tides will carry him back to dry land as they return with the wind.

The Paradox of the Creator is that he Creates something out of nothing. If he Believes, our Hero can also achieve the impossible; he can "Leap" out of the Dark Waters of despair.  

6. The seduction of Somagwaza

Reflections on The Way of The Outsider

by Monde Mdodana

I see Somagwaza walking alone, with the blazing Sun overhead. It was not long before he came across a river, which he had to cross in order to get to his Destination. The Water was calm; there was no turbulence. He was halfway through, when suddenly a soft wind blew and he felt something in the Water tie his legs together, so that he lost his balance. He did not sink however, but merely floated above the Water, and fell into a dream: there she was, sitting on a protruding rock in the middle of the river. She was looking away from him. She glanced over her shoulder, called his name, then looked away again. But he saw her; that brief moment was enough for him to take into his soul all the perfection of her beauty. He wanted to posses her, but he could not move his limbs. No matter how great an effort he put into it, he remained magically tied to the spot. She slid off the rock and turned to face him. Her breasts were round and firm; he could not look away from them. She spoke to him; I am Mamlambo, these Waters are my domain. He was mesmerised, expectant and terrified. "I know who you are, and why you are here", she said.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, you are here because I called you."

"No, I am here because this is where I must cross, I have to get to the Other Side." She moved closer to him, so that her breasts squeezed against his bare chest. Hot blood rushed to his Phallus. Now he could move his limbs, and discovered that he could embrace her. He took her into his arms; she was light and yielding, her skin was soft and electric. He proposed to enter her, and she smiled triumphantly and said to him: "I will give you my sex, enough of it to satisfy your every wish and desire. I will come to you, even when you call me in your dreams. Only, there is one thing that you have to do in order to have me."

"What is it? I want to have you, then I must Journey on."

"I want you to abandon your Journey and go back to your hometown. There I want you to use your Gift to found a Secret Temple for the Mothers, and be that Temple's most faithful servant. If you do this, I will exist for your pleasure, for all eternity."

"I don't have a Gift, I fail to understand you when you say 'use your Gift to found a Secret Temple'".

"You are Self-Seeking Somagwaza! You come from a long line of Gifted Fathers; the potential is there, in your Blood."

"If I have a Gift, and if I have this Gift because I am a descendant of Gifted Fathers; why should I use it to found a Secret Temple for the Mothers?"

"If you agree to do this, then I will allow you to enter me now. On top of that, I will bring you seven times seven Virgins to be your servants and playthings. All these pleasures and more will be yours, if you say 'yes' to the Mothers."

"Yes!"

She took his hand and led him to the soft grass on the bank, and there spread out her legs for him. Afterwards, he felt physically weak and inwardly guilty.

Before long he awoke to discover that he was not in the Water where he fell asleep. He remembered his dream and instantly understood why he was where he was. He approached the river with the intention of crossing it and resuming his Wandering. But he soon grew frightened because the nearer he got to the Waters, the more rough and turbulent they became.

Now I see Somagwaza talking to an old man: "Can you see things before they happen?" he asks.

"Sometimes, yes."

"You must have seen this coming then; I fail to understand why you made no attempts to stop it."

"We couldn't, we can't stop her; you're the only one who can."

"You could atleast have warned me about her."

"We had to let you make a Choice."

"So what happens now?"

"Now you have to make another Choice; will you go back to the Womb and live your life a servant of the Mothers, or will you Rise with the Sun and cross the noontide with Him, that you may rest at twilight cleansed by Struggle and full of Repose?"

"But there is too much turbulence, it would be suicide."

"The turbulence is in your mind, not in the Water. You have to learn to control the flow of you thoughts and cool your boiling Blood."

"But how . . . who will teach me?"

"It is night; make a Fire now, and lie down."

5. Existential

Reflections on The Way of The Outsider

by Monde Mdodana

X: Absolute objectivity is a false doctrine. In the quest for knowledge, the knower cannot be separated from the known. What the knower perceives is inescapably conditioned by his subjectivity.

Y: If absolute objectivity was a 'false doctrine', then there would be no science in the world.

X: There would be no science as we know it today. If we could overcome the illusion of objectivity and the 'scientific' tendency to disregard that which cannot be verified by the outward eye, then we'd develop a more wholesome way of knowing. Science would cease to be something that you do, or a state of mind that you adopt, it would be The Way you Exist.

3. Science and Myth

Reflections on The Way of The Outsider

by Monde Mdodana


I stood gazing at the Fire, and meditated on the relationship between Science and Myth; is Myth "primitive" Science, or is science "advanced" Myth?

I'd become nauseated by the dead textbook science of formal education. I dreamt of a dynamic, living Science; a Science that is conscious of its debt to Myth. 

2. The Outsider's Prayer of Submission and Triumph

Reflections on The Way of The Outsider

by Monde Mdodana


Father!
I am falling; I pray I fall into your hands,
now that it is too late to find balance.

Father!
I find myself in Flames; if I must Burn further,
I pray my glow Lights up the
House of my Ancestors!

Above all, I pray you teach me the Secret of
Letting Go.

Camagu

1. Begin from disappointment*

Reflections on The Way of The Outsider

by Monde Mdodana

My way, The Way of The Outsider, is a philosophy that begins from disappointment. Disappointment, that vague feeling of distress over unfulfilment is the first sign on The Way of The Outsider.

The Outsider, he has become an Outsider because of increasing disillusionment; he is becoming disillusioned with himself, he is becoming disillusioned with society.

There is a growing number of these Outsiders nowadays; they can see that society fails to create favourable conditions for the youth, instead they choose to motivate the young by setting impossible standards for them.

But The Outsider is disappointed more with himself. He can see that he hasn't been living his own life; he has been taking his cues from the expectations of parents, teachers and television.

Although it begins from disapointment, The Way of The Outsider is not a philosophy of disappointment, so let it not be confused with a philosophy off nihilism.

The Way of The Outsider is a Creative Philosophy; disapointment is viewed as a positive experience that provides an opportunity for the Creation of new meaning.

                              

* This is a tittle from Martin-Seaver, Madeline's essay on Black Existentialism available here